If Only I Had Known Earlier…

If Only I Had Known Earlier...

Do you ever think that?

I’ve thought that so many times.

When my panic attacks got less because I dared to feel my body again during haptotherapy. If I had known that earlier, I would have started much sooner.

When I got my kidney diagnosis and really started diving into the effects of food and lifestyle and how, in my case, that keeps my kidneys stable. If they had found the diagnosis earlier and I had known sooner…
Not to mention the less healthy relationships I’ve been in…

And yet, I couldn’t have started earlier than I did.
Not because I was lazy, or because I didn’t want to. But because that version of me, the version who had panic attacks 15 years ago, didn’t yet know what I know now. She didn’t have that experience yet. That courage yet. She did what she could with what she had.

It's the journey

And yes, in hindsight I wish I had known earlier what I know now. But I got that knowledge precisely because of that detour. Those years with panic taught me how clearly my body can communicate. That diagnosis taught me to go a few layers deeper into that. Those relationships taught me to respect my boundaries better.

In Dutch we have a saying about a donkey that doesn’t hit the same stone twice. What about six times..? But when I bumped into something, I often did learn something. Even if I wasn’t exactly in the mood for it at the time.

So if you blame yourself

for not having started yet, or for being too late. That you should have known…

You’re not too late, you’re doing what you can. You don’t make choices when you’re ready for them, you make them when you make them, and that’s exactly on time.

much love,